"You deserve to have nice things."
I was recently told this. And it surprised me into silence.
Why do I deserve to have nice things?
-----
One of my Facebook ladies - a lovely woman whom I befriended first on AOL eons ago, and then on Facebook - out of the blue sent me the recent plague doctor, for no other reason besides "she thought I needed it". I was so touched. And you'll recall that another one of my Facebook ladies also sent me a stuffed guinea pig, just because. I am so charmed, and honored, that these women took the time and effort to purchase, wrap and mail delightful things to me. Such kindness.
Why is there this tiny voice in the back of my head that is critical of my receiving gifts?
You don't do anything for them, why should they do this for you?
You don't do enough for other people.
You are thoughtless -- unlike these people.
You don't deserve such kindness.
I don't know where this voice came from, or why it tries to make me feel sad and guilty an inadequate. It needs to be quiet. And perhaps I need to learn how to be grateful without being self-critical.
I give people gifts because I enjoy doing so. Surely, some other people are the same.
I'm grateful for kindnesses, even when I don't feel as though I deserve them.
*
No comments:
Post a Comment