Squashed

Perhaps it was unwise of me to schedule a mammogram for so close to the end of The Task; a bit more mental preparation time would have been helpful. Or perhaps it was actually good timing, as I had limited opportunity to contemplate the various unlikely-yet-terrible possibilities. Either way, it needed to be done, as I was slightly past the six-month mark for reevaluation. 

The mammogram itself is Old Hat at this point; slightly disagreeable, but certainly tolerable in its brevity. The ultrasound is a bit more problematic, for it is lengthy and the physical pressure is really rather uncomfortable. Plus there is the difficulty of where to put my eyes: I can look at the little screen of the machine as the technician presses, types, clicks and clicks, and labels the images; or I can look away, lest the foggy black-and-white view give me a premature or false suggestion that there may in fact be a Problem.

I chose to look away. I will find out the results in a few days -- no need to guess at what I do not yet know.

Fingers crossed, that all is stable once more.

Reintegration

I am once more rejoining society after The Task. The first stop: reconnecting with the people whom I have neglected while preparing for and undergoing The Task. I visited my lovely in-laws for lunch,  had dinner with Beloved Husband and Offspring the First and Second, and spoke with Cherished Friend by Skype. Lovely. 

How fortunate am I, to have these people as my People. They accepted my absence and my failure to look beyond my own needs during this difficult time, and kindly listened to my decompression when I returned, still reeling from the arduousness of The Task. Thanks to their help, I will be able to go back to Life As Usual in due course. I look forward to it.

Bless them.

Recovery

I am on the road to recovering from The Task. It will take a while, to be sure: completing The Task was much like fighting a Dementor (or, perhaps, even like taking on He-who-must-not-be-named himself). I am drained and fatigued. I feel as though a part of my soul has been squashed. I cannot bear silence, and even solitude is tricky. Yet I am not good company right now.

Self-care continues: I purchased a new Blu-ray boxed set of all of the Harry Potter movies, as well as several junky novels. I perused my cookbooks and went to the grocery store. I pulled out additional piano music. And Offspring the Second came back from adventures in other parts of the world, and it is nice to see him, and he has good stories to tell.

Step by step, the flashbacks to The Task will dissipate, and Life will resume again -- until sometime in November, we will learn whether I was successful at The Task, or whether I must do battle again.

Fingers crossed.

The Task Complete

It is finished.
I will not know the results for several months. Yet, for now, I am Done.

Today's song: Alive (Sia). 

Titanium

The Task, day three.

Today's song: Titanium (David Guetta, ft. Sia)

The Greatest

The Task, day two.

Today's song: The Greatest (Sia). 

Never Give Up

The Task, day one.

Today's song: Never Give Up (Sia). 

Unstoppable

The Task, T minus one day.

Today's song: Unstoppable (Sia). 

Going Dark/The Task

Herself speaks.

I have prepared the posts for this week, including this one, in advance: for this is the week of The Task. I will likely be going dark with all social media, and, in fact, with all communication with people outside. Focus is the name of the game.

Wish me luck, gentle readers, and think of me. I will be back after The Task is done.

Company

I really have been grateful for the company of these two small souls while I have been preparing for The Task.

Praying

Tonight's earworm: Praying (Kesha).

I love this song, not because it is appropriate to my life at the moment in any way (for it is not), but because of the strength of her performance and the meaningfulness of her lyrics.

We need more visible, strong women, like Kesha.

I hope you enjoy.

Moonrise

Dog-erpillar

Fun with Small Fry

Offspring the Third was practicing casting with his fishing rod in the back yard, and Tiny Dog was quite interested in pursuing the weight on the line.

Shoot

Tonight's earworm: Daddy Lessons (The Dixie Chicks, with Beyonce). 

While usually I like songs in particular because of their lyrics, I enjoy this one especially because of the energy of the performance. When I am flagging (as I am now, as The Task wears me thin), a little bit of energy is helpful.

I hope you enjoy.

Ears

Elderly dog contemplates the indignity of having his infected ears treated by the vet. He most certainly did not enjoy the experience. I am glad that he will be feeling better soon.

Poor baby  - he is temporarily even more hard of hearing than usual. But he is sleeping much more contentedly now. Good boy, my buddy. 

Ow

Offspring the Third was extraordinarily brave today, getting an ingrown nail fixed. He has always been very pain sensitive, since he was a baby, so I knew this was difficult for him. He powered through, though, and now his toe will feel much better.

I am very proud of him. 

Out of Africa

I'd forgotten how much I enjoy the soundtrack to Out of Africa. 

I hope you enjoy, too.

Break the Tedium

Friendship is the source of the greatest pleasures, and without friends even the most agreeable pursuits become tedious. 

-- Thomas Aquinas

Alea iacta est

Yet in opinions look not always back,--
Your wake is nothing, mind the coming track;
Leave what you've done for what you have to do;
Don't be "consistent," but be simply true.
― Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

The Sloth Hole, 2010

From The Heart

Offspring the Third has been struggling a bit lately. Always tender of heart, he does not fare well when he feels that other people disrespect him or do not appreciate his efforts. And so I got him a small gift - a stainless steel heart - to remind him that he is loved and valued. It is, of course, anatomically correct, because he is a young Man, after all, and sentimental gifts should still be a wee bit Manly. 

Do not let the coldness of the world or the callousness of other people bring you down, Offspring the Third. You brighten your corner of the world, whether you realize it or not. 

Glitter

Tonight's earworm: Glitter in the Air (P!nk).

This song reminds me of night and wind and back roads and a brief moment of Freedom. Perhaps someday I can capture its essence in a moment again.

Old Man

Stones

Some days simply lay on you like stones.
― Patrick Rothfuss, The Slow Regard of Silent Things