True Story

I feel as though I should just send this cartoon to various people. 

An Abundance of Lizards This Year

Blanket

Herself speaks.

My parents are downsizing, and periodically they send a box of miscellany from the family basement to me. It is like a little Christmas, every time -- what could it be in the box? I save them for Offspring the Third to open, because he enjoys opening packages, and surprises.

Today's package included a very special item: the blanked that my grandmother embroidered for my father, while she was pregnant with him. This was back in the 1930s. There is a lovely flowered border, surrounding a chubby, one-socked, blond baby. It is in excellent condition, given that it is over eighty years old now. 

What a treasure. 

Survival Mode

Herself speaks.

I have abandoned all efforts to do small things that I enjoy: cooking, playing the piano, reading for pleasure. Taking care of All The Minutiae. Sending care packages. Writing for pleasure. All is in abeyance, for now.

And I am OK with this, for now.

The Task weighs heavily. The best I can do now, for my own peace of mind, is to plug away at it, taking short breaks here and there to digest that day's preparations.

I've put all emotions on a shelf. I'll retrieve them later, when The Task is done.

It is fine.

I know that when I am finished, though, that I will be Very Tired.

Stay the course with me, my stalwart readers. We shall get there. 

Bird Redux

Herself speaks.

I am a bit at a loss, my stalwart readers. I am on the edge of being overwhelmed by The Task (though I hang on, by the skin of my teeth). I have wanted to write about several things that have been on my mind, but I have not had time, nor stamina, to do so. Alas. 

Right now, if I could, I would write about a Possibility that might have been, but turned out not to be. Though it would have been lovely if the Possibility had in fact come to pass, it was best that an alternate path besides the Possibility was taken. I lack the fortitude at the moment to parse the matter fully - and besides, it was not my Possibility, and so it is not truly my story to tell (even though I would have derived happiness from the Possibility had it come to fruition). There is alternate happiness to be found in the different paths from the Possibility, though. We shall wait and see what the future brings, and hope for the very best, as always. 

Picture copyright 2017, 2018, Mediocria Firma. Used with gratitude.

Distrustful Pickle

Hissssss

If you look closely, you can see the wee little snake that graced the back yard a few nights ago. If I spoke parseltongue, I would tell the snake that it is welcome here, for as long as it likes.

Walk On

Tonight's earworm: Walk On (U2). Because we walk on.

And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong

Walk on, walk on
What you got they can't steal it
No, they can't even feel it
Walk on, walk on

Saudade

Today's word: Saudade. (n)

From Wikipedia: Saudade is the recollection of feelings, experiences, places, or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, well-being, which now triggers the senses and makes one live again. It can be described as an emptiness, like someone (e.g., one's children, parents, sibling, grandparents, friends, pets) or something (e.g., places, things one used to do in childhood, or other activities performed in the past) that should be there in a particular moment is missing, and the individual feels this absence. It brings sad and happy feelings altogether, sadness for missing and happiness for having experienced the feeling.

Tiny Dog's Tinder Profile Pic

True Words

It often seems like adulthood is all about teaching you how you don’t need love, that you can subsist wholly on your own stamina and inner sense of self-worth. - Anne Nahm

She writes wittily, beautifully, poignantly. Go read her. Annenahm.com. You will enjoy. 

Whimsical Llama

Spotted at the local hobby shop. If I had a rustic cabin somewhere, I would install this odd piece of decor in some obscure corner, so that each time I came across it, I could contemplate again how nifty llamas are.

RAWR

Not Nearly As Dire

As I prepare for The Task, I am reminded of Gesthemane from Jesus Christ Superstar. While The Task is not nearly so dire, and I do not profess to be anything more than a speck of dust in this Universe, the lyrics do seem a wee bit fitting.

I only want to say
If there is a way
Take this cup away from me
For I don't want to taste its poison
Feel it burn me
I have changed
I'm not as sure as when we started
Then, I was inspired
Now, I'm sad and tired
Listen, surely I've exceeded expectations...

To The Woman

A ladyfriend posted this to Facebook. It is lovely, and wrenching, and summons so many of the feelings that I could feel, if I were not immersed in preparation for The Task. When The Task is done, perhaps I shall find more of this poet's works. It would do my soul good. 

...ripped out the stitches in your heart

because why not...

Malibu

Today's somewhat guilty pleasure: Malibu, by Miley Cyrus.

There is something sweet and simple about her lyrics, and something lovely in her comfort with herself and her body in the video. I wonder what it's like to feel that way?

We hope you enjoy.

Helpers

As I prepare for The Task, the small dogs follow me around lovingly. I move their blanket from place to place so they will always be comfortable nearby.

Deeper

As I work toward The Task, tonight's earworm: Deeper and Deeper, by Ben Harper.

Nine

Nine years ago, I arrived. 

Thank you, my stalwart readers, for walking this journey with me.

Old Nassau

Herself speaks.

I am still processing last weekend's travels, during which I went back to my alma mater for the first time in over two decades. It was marvelous, and overwhelming, and full of familiar-unfamiliar surroundings and people whom I was sure I would remember if I could just reach in and remove the thirty years' worth of life since we last saw one another.

I was so pleased to see some of these people, who were once critical and colorful threads in the tapestry of my college experience. The passage of time rendered my delight absolutely pure:  there was nothing complex, nothing sorrowful -- just joy at their presence. I wish them so much happiness.

I was surprised, too, at the stories some classmates recounted about me. I have always considered myself to be somewhat invisible: backstage, flying under the radar. Helping but not standing out - that's what I do. Perhaps, though, I had more impact than I thought I had.

It's both strange and touching to know I am remembered so fondly.

There were some extremely bittersweet components to the reunion. The hardest part, I think, was being in a place where there were once so many options, so many possibilities. Now certain roads are no longer travel-able, and many doors are closed. Choices made. Responsibilities accumulated. Years gone by. Thus it is.

I am so far from where I began. I do not regret the path I have taken. Still, in a way I miss my young self, full of hope and optimism, with no other obligations besides to learn. What bliss that was. How little I appreciated it then.

Live, and learn.

So Much To Process

I may take a short hiatus, gentle readers.  Nothing is wrong; just many Thoughts to Think. I shall be back. 

Fireworks

Orange and Black Everywhere

It is a little overwhelming, but not necessarily in a bad way.