The only drawback to having a pleasant weekend, is the post-pleasant-weekend-doldrums that arise as the work week begins once more.
The overarching sensation right now is one of clutter: clutter in the house, mental clutter, and the clutter of impending change. (I have never been particularly adept at handling changes.) There are only a few weeks more until Offspring the Third makes his foray into college life six hours away, followed in quick succession by Offspring the Second’s return to ten-hours-distant for his last year of college. There is much to do to prepare, and yet it is hard to focus on the minutiae. And in the erstwhile, all three Offspring are perpetually busy, going hither and yon; I am never certain who will be in the house at any given time. (Except for the chihuahuas, who eagerly await my arrival.) And everyone's clothing and possessions and dishes are, still, dispersed throughout the house.
Despite the clutter, there is also a void: an absence of fellow adults. Beloved Husband is extremely busy with work, and does not have much time to spare for leisure activities (or even for non-work conversation). Cherished Friend remains five hours away and is tremendously busy as well; a much-enjoyed weekend visit in his corner of the desert now seems to further emphasize his intangibility. Siblings are vacationing and helping a new spouse adjust to a new home; parents are traveling. I do not want to send any of them a text or an e-mail, lest I intrude on their precious downtime or otherwise inconvenience them. And there is no one else I could call, just to chat for a few minutes. (Not that I necessarily would, for I dislike the phone --- but the thought that perhaps I could is a pleasant, if unrealistic, idea.)
It is a cluttered loneliness.
The overarching sensation right now is one of clutter: clutter in the house, mental clutter, and the clutter of impending change. (I have never been particularly adept at handling changes.) There are only a few weeks more until Offspring the Third makes his foray into college life six hours away, followed in quick succession by Offspring the Second’s return to ten-hours-distant for his last year of college. There is much to do to prepare, and yet it is hard to focus on the minutiae. And in the erstwhile, all three Offspring are perpetually busy, going hither and yon; I am never certain who will be in the house at any given time. (Except for the chihuahuas, who eagerly await my arrival.) And everyone's clothing and possessions and dishes are, still, dispersed throughout the house.
Despite the clutter, there is also a void: an absence of fellow adults. Beloved Husband is extremely busy with work, and does not have much time to spare for leisure activities (or even for non-work conversation). Cherished Friend remains five hours away and is tremendously busy as well; a much-enjoyed weekend visit in his corner of the desert now seems to further emphasize his intangibility. Siblings are vacationing and helping a new spouse adjust to a new home; parents are traveling. I do not want to send any of them a text or an e-mail, lest I intrude on their precious downtime or otherwise inconvenience them. And there is no one else I could call, just to chat for a few minutes. (Not that I necessarily would, for I dislike the phone --- but the thought that perhaps I could is a pleasant, if unrealistic, idea.)
It is a cluttered loneliness.
Alas.
*
I had a quiet weekend ... self imposed... and I had moments of I should call someone and moments of I wish someone would call... but in the end, I wanted the loneliness. It reminds me of plans, gives me time to recharge and forces me to relax and let go. I need to figure out how to do all of that with people around, too, but I will keep practicing this weekend.
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