Mother/Nurture

Today is Mother's Day.  Mother's Day, much like Valentine's Day, has become an overblown, social-obligation-laden occasion. It is as if spending money and generating elaborate events, especially if such things are given or performed in front of the public, are somehow indicative of how much people care for/are grateful for/love their mothers.

I'm a firm believer that it's not the particular holiday that is so critical -- one big serving of gratitude on a single day each year does not feed a mother's soul.  Rather, it is all the inconsequential moments of the mundane days that are vital:  showing appreciation by helping by making an occasional meal, folding a bit of laundry, recognizing the things that are important to her and participating in them, or just offering a heartfelt "thank you" every now and then.  Give us this day our daily bread.  One day at a time is how we move through life.  Each day is a new day to be a mother, and a new day to try again to be helpful to, or grateful for, a mother.

Mothering is a unique activity -- complex, nuanced, ever-evolving.  It's a learn-as-you-go activity. Mistakes are made, and apologies are given, many times.  Sometimes, gloriously good actions are miraculously performed.  It's a challenge and a calling. What does it entail?

We would be remiss if we failed to mention that most obvious component of mothering:  love. (Ah, love. You are undefinable. You are there, strange and wonderful, always.) Love forms the underpinnings of motherly actions; yet love is a mere fraction of all that encompasses mothering.

Early emphasis is on a trio of necessities:  instruction, guidance, and discipline.  Offspring must learn to walk, to tie their shoes; to do their homework, to help around the house; to understand how to interact with other people, and to behave in the manner expected by society; to be kind and truthful, and to accept the consequences of their actions.  It's quite tricky.

Mothering takes a different shape as the Offspring grow into themselves and launch into the world. (This is the odd nature of mothering -- successful raising of Offspring renders the mother unnecessary.) Advice is given only when requested; discipline is no longer used. Mothers must bite their tongues and let Offspring make mistakes or choices that the mothers themselves would not choose, and must still be there to pick up pieces if necessary.

Be free, Offspring. We will be right here, should you need something.

Adults (most of the time) do not need "mothering."  Still, they retain certain needs. They want to know that someone is concerned if they scrape their elbows or need their gallbladders removed.  They require comfort when they are heartsick.  They wish for someone to step in and help when they are exhausted and overwhelmed.  No man is an island. Although adults plow ahead alone through life, they still hold within their hearts the hope that someone cares.

What they seek, though isn't mothering, per se; rather, it is nurturing.  Remember that old math adage that we learned in school -- all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares?  All mothering includes nurturing, although not all nurturing includes mothering.

We all need nurturing. And so for Mother's Day, it is our wish that all mothers find themselves nurtured -- not in a spectacular or expensive way on a particular date, but rather, in the small, daily nourishment that each one needs.

Nurture the nurturers. 

Amen.