Selfish

We have begun preparations for an overnight camping trip.  Herself has waited a very, very, very long time for such an adventure.  Last night, she got out the tent that she selected several years ago, to see whether she even recalled how to put it up.  Success.  The tent setup was remarkably easy; the rain fly was a tiny bit tricky, but she managed, and she might not even need to use the fly.  Next step - unfurl her as-yet-unused sleeping bag to check its condition.  After that - contemplate menus for the weekend.

After we put the tent back away, Herself and I checked the school calendar to verify that Offspring the Second and Offspring the Third have a particular day off from school for the intended long weekend of camping.

No, they do not.

Herself mentally rearranges the plans to accommodate the Offsprings' school schedule.  It can be done, though it will be a bit more complicated.  Nevertheless, the Offspring always come first, and for them, school always comes first.

Herself is a very patient person.  She finds it easier, and more comfortable, to put other peoples' needs ahead of her own.  She far prefers to take care of other people than to ask other people to look after even the tiniest thing for her. 

Every now and then, though, she is fatigued by what seems to be an eternal amount of waiting: waiting for the few things she wants to do, for the few things she wants to have.  She does not ask for much, she thinks.  Yet even that little bit seems to be too much to ask.  And then, she feels selfish for even having those thoughts.

She will not be bitter.  Inch by inch, occasion by occasion, she is, in fact, getting to do some of the things she has longed to do.  There has been much more hiking of late.  There was a long weekend RV trip.  Further plans are being made, too. 

She puts aside the thoughts of the things that cannot yet come to pass.  She must be more patient. Just a bit longer.  Readjusting goals, hopes, dreams. A little longer.
 
She reminds herself:  I do not want what I cannot have.