That Went Fine. Sort Of.

Herself trudged dutifully off to her mammogram appointment this morning.  The mammogram itself does not bother her.  Yes, it's a wee bit uncomfortable to have her tender parts squashed, but it's certainly nothing particularly troublesome.  She is at low risk for any kind of breast cancer, and so she does not worry about the outcome, either.  Not a big deal at all.

This year, because the facility she has used in previous years was booked far into the summer, Herself visited a different location for her mammogram - one of the local hospitals.  It was an ordinary hospital, with the usual warren of echoing hallways, cool and darkened rooms with mysterious medical machinery, and the scent of cleaning supplies. There was the traditional paperwork with blank-faced, impassive registration personnel; the paper bracelet with her information upon it; the small wistful waiting room with aged magazines and frayed pink-edged posters upon the walls; and the busy, formal, and efficient technician.  She was in and out of the facility within half an hour.

It wasn't until she got into her car afterwards that Herself realized she was breathing far too quickly for such an ordinary, uneventful occasion. 

Herself has a history of various medical issues, several of which have required surgical intervention and other invasive procedures.  She has always been quite stoic and has plowed through what has needed to be done with as little fuss as possible. Herself knows that she is currently mercifully relatively healthy, and is grateful to be so; nevertheless, she carries buried within her the memories of past events, and today her presence in a hospital, even for just a routine matter, triggered a recollection of the helplessness, pain, fear and desperate loneliness that accompanied so many other hospital visits.  Terrible.

She wishes she could have just a few moments, sheltered in the arms of someone who loves her, to safely let those memories and emotions surface and dissipate.  But she is a grownup, and there is no time for such neediness.  She has work to do, a house to clean, bills to pay and Offspring and a husband to care for.  It is, as always, time to man up and do what needs to be done. 

And so she shall.