Safety Net

The plans are falling into place for Herself's 25th high school reunion. There are events at the school itself, as well as dinner and post-dinner festivities at various locations throughout the metropolitan area of the school's city. Overall, I think she is looking forward to the trip, although making her way to the appointed locations in unfamiliar territory, at night using a rental car, will be a bit daunting.

I noticed a rather large upswing in Herself's anxiety regarding the reunion today when she learned of certain gatherings that will be available - in particular, two get-togethers that encompass the reunion class from the brother school to her all-girls school. She confesses that she is of very mixed emotions about attending those particular events. While she might like to attend, she will be need to step fairly outside of her comfort zone to do so.

Seeing her old classmates will be enjoyable, she thinks, for despite the difficulties she usually has with small talk, there are multiple standard questions available regarding children and careers, and reminiscences to be had about common experiences from years ago. She truly is interested in learning about the divergent paths that many of her classmates have taken over the years.

Eliciting conversation with the men that have grown from the boys she barely knew twenty-five years ago, however, is an entirely different matter. Never having particularly enjoyed dating or the "bar scene," and well aware of the significant difficulties she encountered in her limited experience in the high school dating arena, she imagines these functions will be much like the wretched high school dances - she will make her very best effort, and yet, no one will want to speak with her. The hardest part will be that she will be there by herself, without the security of her Beloved or her local friends, upon whom she can always rely to keep her company.

So why go? It's difficult to express. She says that in one small way she is looking for some of the validation that she never really received in high school. In other, bigger ways, though, it is a challenge for her. Can she do this? Does she have the confidence and the ability to go? Twenty-five years ago, the answer would have been a firm NO. Now, things are different. She is different, and she is glad for the changes.

She will have her safety net with her. It is woven out of the comfort she has in, and the love she has for, the people in her life now. Her Beloved, her Offspring, her taekwondo friends. They will be in her heart, and she knows that whatever happens at the reunions -- no matter how many or how few people talk with her, no matter how often or how rarely she sits alone -- she will be able to come home to them. Their invisible presence will make all the difference for her. And she is grateful.