Wednesday, January 3, 2018


Herself speaks.

I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner tonight. With a yogurt-in-a-tube on the side. Plus two chocolate chip cookies for dessert. Ah, the ideal childhood meal.
I have found myself contemplating aspects of my youth lately: the foods of yore; the yard in which I played; my favorite toys. There is an evanescent, overarching emotion in the reminiscing that defies simple explanation. Perhaps it is a desire to have no obligations other than to try hard in school and to practice the piano. Wouldn't that be marvelous? I would enjoy that.

Perhaps even more, though, there is a primordial longing to be nurtured. Someone fix me something to eat, send me upstairs to take a bath, pick out a stuffed animal, tuck me into bed. Please. I am tired and overstimulated and need quiet and rest. That would be lovely, indeed.

It is hard to accept that as an adult, that particular longing for nurturing will no longer be fulfilled. I remind myself, I do not want what I cannot have. No sense in wishing for what cannot be.

And I make my own peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The best I can do, all things considered, is to try to nurture myself.

Image result for handmade wooden apple with tea set inside
This wooden teaset-in-an-apple, which reminds me of childhood,
was found here:

1 comment:

  1. <3 adulting is not at all as advertised in my opinion -- and I think that wanting and getting nurturing at any age is appropriate.

    I am not a dog person, but there seem to be a lot of dogs in my life right now. As I observe their behaviors (it is a hobby of mine) I note their need and desire for nurturing. The friends I live with now have a dog, Milo, who comes up to me whenever I am near and just wants me to gaze into his eyes for a bit. I am never sure what he gets or needs from this interaction beyond attention. But it strikes me that for a moment he is not on alert, not required to be responsible, and in someone else's care - it may not be nurturing as we needed and desired as children, but it certainly feels like the nurturing I often want now. When friends, and even strangers, offer to carry the worry and strife, even the joy, for a bit, I feel relieved, revived and nurtured.