This musing is a follow-up on the previous contemplation of intermittent reinforcement. (Reading "intro to psychology" bits is an interesting way to pass the time while waiting for one's 30-month, 30,000-mile tune up at the car dealer's.) There appears to be a relationship between intermittent reinforcement and attachment type (for a general bit on what attachment types are, you can look here). What attachment type are you? Secure? Anxious-preoccupied? Dismissive-avoidant? Fearful-avoidant? Read for yourself, and see where you lie, here: what attachment type are you?
It's abundantly clear to me where I fall, even though I have a few tendencies toward another type as well. (You can probably guess where I stand, too, if you think about it hard enough.) Knowing this now -- and giving some thought to why I am the way I am -- perhaps I can take better action to move toward secure, lest I become a self-fulfilling prophecy of my attachment type.
Improving oneself is frustrating work. Old patterns of behavior are hard to change, and vulnerability is frightening. Nevertheless, if I look back carefully, I can see that I have been, ever so slowly, making progress with the help of those who are important to me. With this new additional information, perhaps progress will be quicker. And perhaps, if I manage to find the right words at the right times, I can do better.
I try not to think of myself as damaged because of my flaws. In more confident times, I just think of myself as a work in progress. (As we all are, in truth.)
We shall see how it goes.
Dad update: comfortably numb
5 hours ago