A week and a half ago, I was traveling. (I haven't even written about that yet. Help, I am so behind.) And as I stepped off of the small train onto the platform, to switch onto the other train to go back to the airport to go home, there was... a POP in my right calf.
Ow.
It was surprising that it wasn't actually audible -- it was that noticeable. I was momentarily unable to walk on that leg. I was one of the last off the small train, so fortunately I didn't hold anyone up. I regained my balance, and hobbled to the next train as quickly as I could so as not to miss my connection, which was NOT quickly as all, because I could not bear full weight on that leg, nor swing it/extend it fully.
I then had an hour on the next train to figure out what to do. Do I seek medical care there, or do I just make my way home to deal with it? The obvious choice was to go home; I didn't want to incur delays, hotel fees, out-of-network medical costs. The leg was not SO painful that I couldn't move. I would be sitting for the vast majority of the day, except when moving from train to airport, and from plane to plane. Choice made. I continued the 12-hour door-to-door journey home.
The hardest part was the airport walking. I was very, very, slow, because I really couldn't walk normally at all, and needed to stay out of the way of everybody hurrying by. I opted to check my carry-on suitcase to minimize what I would have to take with me during the layover/gate change, which was helpful. The hardest part was getting from the final gate, to baggage claim, and out to long-term parking. So. Slow. So obviously limping. Awkward. Painful.
The next few days were a bit of a challenge. Doctor's visit, crutches. Compression sleeve. A little ibuprofen. Testing ordered. Things slowly are improving.
The long and the short of it (I'm going to leave out the ABSOLUTE SHENANIGANS involved in getting what I thought should have been routine testing to figure out what happened, because I might dissolve into a tirade about the still-lacking-medical-care in this area of the desert) is: I have a 'greater than 75% tear' in the gastrocnemius muscle in my right calf. Yikes.
Things are better now, in that the pain is fairly low (as a person with chronic migraine, pain is all relative -- and this is really not a lot unless I pivot strangely or try to move too quickly). I am, however, extremely frustrated, because I don't at the moment have concrete information about how to ease back into regular activities. How do I get back to my regular treadmill use (incline/speed/length of time)? When do I start physical therapy, to make sure this doesn't happen again?
Also, what the actual f*ck is this nonsense?
I am very surly. I do not do well without being able to Take A Walk.
The only consolation in this entire debacle has been -- and hear me out, for I know this will sound strange -- there is an actual, identifiable thing that is wrong.
That may sound silly. But as an overweight, middle-aged woman seeking health care, the odds are more likely that my concerns, and my description of pain, will be minimized or treated as 'anxiety' or curable through weight loss, rather than as rooted in an actual problem.
(I'm not minimizing the health benefits of shedding a few pounds. I know what they are, and I know that I should. But you know that.)
I... am tired.
But, on we go. One (slightly limping) step at a time.
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