Shrubbery

I am quite fond of greenery. Herself is too, although she fares far better in nurturing small mammals than in caring for foliage. House plants, yard shrubs, floral arrangements, even corsages wilt promptly in her presence. When the Offspring conduct science experiments involving seeds, they warn her strenuously not to touch anything lest her curse inflict damage upon the studies. She has resigned herself to this unhappy fact, and has decided to learn to identify and distinguish different types of trees rather than attempt to keep any specimens of vegetation alive.

Update

We are now six days post-operation for Herself. The procedure itself went relatively smoothly; despite the presence of some unexpected intricacy during the surgery, there were no significant complications and Herself was released from the hospital in a timely manner the next day.

Convalescence is slow but as expected. Herself is doing her very best to maintain a cheerful demeanor, although her inability to move about in any significant way is quickly eroding her patience and good humor. I am certain that once she is able to walk a couple of miles or use the elliptical trainer, her outlook will improve significantly.

I am very grateful to those who have managed to provide moments of humor for Herself during this time. While it is a well-worn cliché to say that laughter is the best medicine, there is more than a mere kernel of truth therein. As the Irish proverb states: A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book.

Today

"I felt a great disturbance in the force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced." - Obi-wan Kenobi

9/11 Tribute

Breakfast of Champions

In solidarity with Herself, I am also performing the "clear liquids only" pre-surgical diet today. Apple juice or carbonated beverage? Decisions, decisions. We decided to save the apple juice for lunch.

The blog will be quiet for several days while I keep vigil at Herself's bedside during her procedure and recovery. Rest assured, though, that she and I will be thinking of you, with love, and will be back soon.

Preparations

I am spending the weekend aiding Herself in preparations for the upcoming week. On Tuesday, Herself will be having relatively routine surgery to remove an ill-tempered and uncooperative internal organ, and she wants to be absolutely certain that the household will continue to run smoothly while she is at the hospital as well as at home recuperating.

Today, we accomplished the following tasks: we visited the bank; went to the pharmacy; shopped for food and arranged the cabinets and the fridge; packed lunches for all of the Offspring for the upcoming week and stored the lunches in the spare fridge in the garage; cleaned the small pet cages; worked on the mountain of laundry; stopped by Herself’s parents’ house to ensure that the pool was filled and fresh flowers were placed in the kitchen, since they will be arriving tomorrow; and wrote up the daily schedule so that Herself’s parents or Beloved will be aware of the intricate dance needed to get all the Offspring to and from school in a timely manner. Midway through, we paused to bake muffins for Herself’s Beloved’s high school friends who stopped by for a very pleasant visit. Oh, and we took a small but well-deserved nap.

Tomorrow, we will ensure that all of the household bills have been paid, and will go over Herself’s work docket to make sure that there is nothing lingering that will need to be addressed. Only once these tasks have all been accomplished, will Herself be able to relax and move forward comfortably.

It is good that it has been so busy, as it has allowed very little time for worrying about the various remote possibilities associated with surgery. Even writing them down seems to be an unwise idea, as if the printed words would somehow lead to bad karma. Let us hope, therefore, that all goes well and smoothly, and that the recovery will be easy.

Zombie

Behold... well, he's in there somewhere. Behold the hamster habitat, home of Snowflake, a painfully aged dwarf hamster. He resembles a zombie, with his red eyes, scruffy white fur, thin build, awkward shuffling gait, and intrepid, continued existence. I check to make sure I have seen him moving at least once daily, but otherwise I try to leave him alone in the quiet peace of his habitat.

It is important to provide comfort to all creatures, including the humble and pathetic Snowflake, so I provide more food than he could possibly eat in his remaining weeks, and cushiony bedding for his old bones. He has had a very long and comfortable hamster life, and I hope his passing, when it arrives, is swift and painless.

On Help

What is help?

The dictionary indicates that the verb, “to help,” can be defined as follows: “to give or provide what is necessary to accomplish a task or satisfy a need; contribute strength or means to; render assistance to; cooperate effectively with; aid; assist” (see dictionary.com, entry for help). Help can come from many sources, and in many forms.

What is the price of help? That is, what does it cost the one who receives help (the ‘helpee,’ as it were)? It depends very much on who is the helper in question.

Some individuals will assist primarily if they see an advantage to themselves – will the helpee then ‘owe’ the helper something in return? Sometimes these people show up as grudging helpers: they indicate quite clearly that assisting is an inconvenience but that they will help despite this cost to themselves. Thus, an obligation to the helper is born.

Some individuals will help because they see the moment as an opportunity to ‘correct’ a perceived deficiency in the helpee and show off their own knowledge in the helping arena. Does the helpee otherwise perform the requested task in a manner that the helper finds to be inferior, so that this is a chance for the helper to show the helpee the ‘right’ way to do something, while at the same time demonstrating superior ability?

Some individuals render aid in what appears to be an altruistic manner. Herself at first glance appears to fall into this category – she loves to help. Is there something she can do for you? Fetch you something to eat? Move furniture? Shuffle papers? Run an errand? Name it, and she will do everything in her power to make sure it gets done for you – and will be delighted to have accomplished it for you.

A closer examination, though, reveals that there is, in fact, an exchange behind Herself’s help. Understanding the exchange requires a look at Herself’s own attitude towards being a ‘helpee.’

Herself frequently says that she’d rather chew off her own leg than ask for help. She is doggedly independent, and for her, requesting assistance is tantamount confessing weakness. Herself also worries about encountering the first two types of helpers: she is extremely uncomfortable with ‘owing’ another, and she will be troubled by self-doubt whenever a helper suggests through words or actions that Herself’s methods are inferior. Add to that, her significant fear of encountering a non-helper – an individual who refuses to assist, either out of lack of concern or in an attempt to shame or force her into performing the requested task herself. As you can imagine, she rarely asks for help with anything.

For Herself, asking for help, or accepting an offer of help, is a confession and a dangerous exposure of the soul: it says, “I am vulnerable right now, and I trust you enough to hope that you will provide me with what I need without wounding me or requiring more of me in return.” When Herself assists another person, she bears in mind her own personal cost at asking for help, even though others may not feel as she does. Thus, the asking (or the accepting) by a helpee is already the first half of an exchange, as it has a price – and therefore, a value. It remains solely for the helper to uphold the second part of the transaction by providing the needed aid. No further obligation ensues.

Asking for help is a gift from the helpee to the helper. Accepting help is also a gift from the helpee to the helper. Neither should ever be taken lightly. It is a privilege to be entrusted with aiding another.

It is my honor to be of help to you.