The Things We Carry

 Herself speaks.

Offspring the First and her charming husband were in town over the weekend, and we were able to see them briefly for a bit. It was lovely, as always, to see her and her smiling face. Offspring the Third was there as well, and it was reassuring to see him too, as always, and delightful to have the two of them in the same room together. There was an Offspring the Second-shaped hole in the room; I have missed his presence so much, and am trying to walk the line of respecting his independence and freedom, while still wanting to reach out and encourage him to come home for a bit to ease the ache of his absence. 

I don't know when I will have all three of the Offspring together in the same room at the same time again. I try not to think about it. The weight of that unknown future can be a heavy grief for me if I allow it to grow in my heart, but I will not do so. It is important to be glad for the Offspring as they move forward with their unique lives, and not to try to hold them back out of any sort of obligation. 

I will not ask the Offspring to help me carry my own feelings. That would be unfair to them. They should be Free.

Fly, Offspring, fly.

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. 

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. 

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

-Kahlil Gibran, On Children

Relaxed

We should all be as relaxed as our lovely big bun.

 

Speaking of Mad Max

 I came across this screen grab-meme whilst perusing Facebook the other day, and it both amused me highly, and had a truth to it that warrants sharing. (I do apologize for the photo being teeny-weeny; hopefully you all will be able to enlarge it and read it. I have found out that it is from a Tumblr post, which you can find here: https://www.tumblr.com/ohwaugh/158085956252/faun-songs-broliloquy-skelefolk. Full credit to them for this brilliant piece of writing. I've put the first bit down below, to tempt you into reading the whole thing). 

I love the idea of the Peacekeepers of post-apocalyptic world being all the pro-kink, community-driven, alternative Peoples. That would be magnificent Justice, and I fully support it. 

What I wanna know is why the spiky kink warriors are always the bad evil marauders. They might be into some weird shit and unafraid to show it but that doesn't mean they want to go around killing dudes. They're a tight-knit bunch. A lot of them are queer. They understand the importance of community. If the government collapses and all laws come to an end, the people rampaging around killing and looting are gonna be like, frat boys and 4chan rejects. You can mistrust the bondage raiders all you like but they're definitely the ones you're going to run to for help when the neoliberal blood cultists and Nazi meme demons lay siege to your survivor enclave. 

Dusty

 We have had SO MANY National Weather Service Emergency Alerts (Severe) this month.  Dust storms, the likes of which I have never seen in all the years of living in this corner of the desert.  It's shocking. Visibility near zero, even within city limits (not just in the outer edges where the empty desert lies). 

It does not bode well for the area, nor for the planet.  Mad Max, here we come. 

Girl Crush

 Herself speaks.

I try to avoid certain types of movies/songs/media, because they are just... a bit much for me. I don't watch rom-coms; I don't read books in which the love interests don't end up together; don't listen to lovelorn music. Especially now, when the world is a flaming dumpster fire, and Depression still sits quietly in the passenger seat of my car and stares at me from the corners of my room at night.

Once in a while, though, I accidentally come across something, and -- almost against my will -- it catches my attention.  I heard a snippet of a song on TikTok the other day, and now it is stuck in my brain. I feel compelled to listen to it, even though it brings up Feelings that I do not enjoy and would like not to experience. (Empathy: currently the worst kind of curse.)

I wish I knew what to do with Feelings that are Too Much. Feeling them by myself is acutely painful; all the same, there is no one in front of whom I would be comfortable feeling them. Yet one can only squash down feelings for so long, before they coalesce into the living, breathing Depression that is my secretive companion. I would not wish that on anyone. 

At any rate, here is the earworm that is plaguing me. Girl Crush, sung by Harry Styles. Suffer with me. Perhaps, if we suffer together, we can get through. 

I want to taste her lips
Yeah, 'cause they taste like you
I want to drown myself
In a bottle of her perfume
I want her long blond hair
I want her magic touch
Yeah, 'cause maybe then
You'd want me just as much
I've got a girl crush

All Squares are Rectangles (But Not All Rectangles Are Squares)

 Do you remember the expression: all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares? It's such a great turn of phrase. I like it for its literal correctness -- few things more satisfying than a specific mirror-image definition like this. 

It occurred to me today that it could also potentially be used metaphorically. (Yes, I'm slow sometimes.)  I contemplated this morning, how it could be applied. (I was doing so, to avoid thinking about current events. Because they are all horrible. THE HORROR. Ironically, it was through mulling over current events that I ultimately came up with a situation that is analogous.) It goes like this:

When someone hurts another person through actions, an apology made through words can help.  But when an injury is caused by words, an attempt to make reparations through actions is not always successful. Even when actions are intended to show remorse or repentance or a change of heart, there will always be those previous words lingering in the background, and the thought that they may resurface again. Words can only be negated by words, not by deeds. 

Perhaps only I place so much emphasis on the value and import of words. (And perhaps that is why I spend so much time trying to explain myself with a hundred billion words.) Am I alone here? Give me the words, peoples. 

But perhaps not. Surely I am not the only person horrified by the words being used in public arenas right now. When our current President says the VERY TERRIBLE things he says, so flippantly, so carelessly, it is shocking and appalling and I cannot watch because the words stick in my head and I immediately want to argue and yet I cannot, because what good would that serve? What kind of terrible timeline are we living in, that the leader of our nation spews forth such cruel and crass verbal garbage? And it's not just him, either.  But surely I am not alone in my horror. 

Could amends be made through actions at this point? No. Absolutely not. The words need to be denounced. Better words need to be put forth. Only with Good Words, can we truly move forward. 

Dreamscape

 Herself speaks.

Last night, I had a dream that I was on a beach. It was not sunny - I think it was early evening, perhaps? - but it was a nice ambient temperature, neither too warm nor too cold, and the breeze was just right, and the water was the same level of nice. There were good stones on the beach, and fine sand, and some people relatively nearby, but not too many and they were not too close nor too loud. I don't know what I was wearing, but I do know that my body was comfortable, nothing hurt, everything was good. 

I was there with someone I have not seen in far too long. I held their hand and looked into their face, and they had a true smile, and I thought about how it has been so long since I have seen their smile. And I was so happy that they were happy. I just looked and looked, trying to capture every millimeter of that smile, knowing that my time with them was so short and that I had no idea when I would ever see that face again. 

It was lovely to be there for that moment. 

I saw you in my dream
We were walking hand in hand
On a white sandy beach of Hawaii
We were playing in the sun
We were having so much fun
On a white sandy beach of Hawaii
The sound of the ocean
Soothes my restless soul
Sound of the ocean
Rocks me all night long

White Sandy Beach - Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwoʻole