The Slightly Odd Duck

It has been just over two years now since Offspring the third was determined to fall within the Autism Spectrum. He is a person with Asperger’s, an “Aspie.” He is the same child he was before the pronouncement: the same bright, emotional, devoted, tender-hearted, black-and-white thinking, justice- and fairness-oriented, noise-averse, sensory-sensitive, and mildly obsessive person he has always been. The main difference now is that with a formal piece of paper with this label marked on it, the school system is required to take into consideration his unique needs in the classroom setting. Furthermore, as far as Aspies go, his difficulties are minor. With training, patience and time, I have every confidence that he will learn to navigate the outside world comfortably and successfully.

He has made tremendous strides in this direction during the past two years, and particularly in the past year and a half since he started tae kwon do. This is no mere coincidence: the lessons of tae kwon do have given him excellent coping skills. He has learned to accept correction and to generate self-control; he has found a core of self-confidence; he is able to expend some of his tightly-coiled energy in a positive manner; and most of all, he has found a group of people who treat him with respect, courtesy, and kindness. On the mat at the gym, he is no different from anyone else: he has his tribe, his commonality, his belonging. It is a wonderful thing to behold.

As Offspring the third has matured and grown, I have noticed striking parallels between him and Herself. They are surprisingly similar in many Asperger’s-related ways: they are both somewhat socially awkward; they enjoy routine, dislike change and spontaneity, and prefer to know exactly what is going to transpire; they tend to obsess and perserverate; they are overwhelmed by loud noises and certain other sensory input; they frequently misunderstand sarcasm and teasing, and take statements literally rather than figuratively; they tend to use language in slightly unusual ways; they sometimes have trouble maintaining eye contact when conversing; and they can have difficulty interpreting the emotions, motivations and intentions of other people. While many other people share many of these traits, the grouping of these particular characteristics may occasionally add up to Something More.

And so, the question begs itself: is Herself an Aspie?

Ultimately, does it matter for her?

I think not.

Herself has been blessed multifold with opportunities that allow her to navigate around her issues. Her telecommuting ensures that she can prepare significantly in advance for most work-related social interaction. The prevalence of e-mail allows her to communicate most often in her preferred medium: print. She has several internet-based friendships that are both meaningful and helpful. Her Beloved is an abundant source of information on motivations, intentions, and emotions of other people. As Offspring the first and the second have matured into teenagers, they have also provided much-needed insight into the inner workings of other human beings as well.


Most critically, after over a decade of self-imposed social exile, Herself’s recent, laborious efforts at in-person socialization have resulted in her ability to consider a small core of people at the tae kwon do gym to be her friends. The payoff from her calculated (and in her mind, very great) risk at attempting friendship has been so much greater than she ever expected. While Herself still occasionally experiences awkward conversation, inward difficulties, or "one of those moments," these are few compared with the joy she has found. The Universe has been truly merciful in bestowing these friends upon Herself.

Thus, ultimately, whether Herself falls directly onto the spectrum as an Aspie, or is merely adjacent to the spectrum as a Slightly Odd Duck, is immaterial. She understands her own limitations and has the means to work around them. By chance, good fortune, and a bit of hard work, she has managed to gather all that she needs around Herself.

Everyone, whether on the spectrum or not, should be so lucky.