Herself speaks. It was a very long week, waiting for the results of my follow-up testing after my mammogram. I received no phone call; I waited, as patiently as possible, until the results were posted on the patient portal yesterday.
The short of it is: things are OK for the moment. That is, there are Things, but they appear to be OK Things.
(There was, as to be expected, a certain amount of hedging in the report, which included mentions of density, homogeneity and heterogeneity of tissue, as well as a disclaimer about 10-15% false negatives. I understand that this is not at all an exact science; yet therefore, the relief gained from receiving good results is tempered by a certain "nothing is certain" thought. Nevertheless, the Zombie Apocalypse could also happen tomorrow, so we do our best to ignore the "nothing is certain".) New probably benign complicated cysts in both breasts. [One 1.3 cm, the other 1.6 cm.] The likelihood of cancer is greater than 0% but less than or equal to 2%. Recommendation: return in 6 months for bilateral breast ultrasound.
I also received a letter today, stating:
Your recent mammography examination done on the date listed above shows an area that we believe is benign (not cancer). However, in 6 months you should have a follow-up mammogram to confirm that this area has not changed.
It seems that for now, all I can do is Assume All Is Well (along with Not Worry, and Hope For The Best). Perhaps a bit easier said than done. I have many, many Feelings on this situation -- too many to parse. I feel tremendously fragile, and a little afraid. Perhaps Time will attenuate the fear.
Please, Universe. Let this all work out well. I have things to do, places to go, and people to love.
I had the pleasure of seeing Wonder Woman for a second time. It was just as enjoyable, and just as meaningful, as it was the first time. And it was easier this time to see why Wonder Woman is so moving for women of a certain age. We are One.
Once upon a time, I was much like the young Diana as she leaves Themyscira: well-educated in languages (here, Greek, Latin, French and English), as well as other vital subjects -- not hand-to-hand-combat, certainly, but rather, science and math, classic literature, music, arts, history: all the important subjects to forge a future. I believed in the power of knowledge. And I was young, and so very naive. I believed that the world was bright, and that people were inherently Good, and that with the exercise of some brain power and the Truth, there was no obstacle I could not overcome.
It took a long time -- for I am a slow learner, and have been somewhat sheltered from the world through self-isolation -- to come to understand that everything is not black or white, and that terrible things happen, and that terrible people cause these terrible things. There are so many things I cannot change, and infinite things I cannot control. There is greed. Selfishness and prejudice. Ignorance. Callousness. Rage and cruelty. Sadness beyond measure. We cannot heal the world.
Diana realizes -- as all women do, and as I have -- that the World will always break her heart. This disillusionment requires finding a new source of strength to keep her inner fires burning. And her only choice -- the choice of every woman, knowing what we each know -- is simply: love anyway.
If we look through, between, and beyond all that is terrible, we can see the beauty that lies therein: the face of a sleeping baby; ice cream; snow flakes. Music and dancing (or 'swaying'). Knowledge that there is good in the people who are willing to try, and fail, and try again. That sometimes they succeed. And that it is all worth the struggle.
I used to want to save the world, to end war and bring peace to mankind. But then I glimpsed the darkness that lives within their light. I learnt that inside every one of them there will always be both. The choice each must make for themselves - something no hero will ever defeat. And now I know... that only love can truly save the world. So now I stay, I fight, and I give - for the world I know can be. This is my mission now, for ever.
NinjaHead resides with a muffin-baking woman known herein as Herself. Herself has a Beloved Husband, with whom she shares three nearly-grown Offspring. When she is not writing Things, Herself nurtures a visceral fondness for small furry creatures. The household menagerie, which has varied in size and composition over the years, presently contains a minuscule middle aged chihuahua, a most mild-mannered senior chihuahua, and a very small hamster who, due to the prominence of his gonads, seems to need trousers for decency.